There's a bird in JFK

Ah, to be a rogue bird in an airport.

How did it fly in?

A crack or hole in the wall?

A door left open or hinged for too long?

A pet that broke free from its cage?

In any event the bird becomes liberated from his ordinary world and becomes spectacle because it is in an environment untypical for birds but typical for humans pretending to be birds as we fly from Tampa to Haiti or whatever.  So it goes.

We see the bird and laugh with people we've never met and never will meet about that rogue bird at gate 11 in JFK on a Wednesday.

What does it mean to be this bird?

What is the human correlative to its peculiar situation/adventure/life?

The bird has made a nest in the fluorescents. 

It doesn't really like the speaker yelling in muffled, Inharmonious tones right next to his new home but it likes that it's the star of the airport- constantly getting attention by random passerbys- the true goal in life for any living thing, right?  

...I was gunna tell somebody about the bird- somebody that could set it free- somebody who worked at the airport.  But what if JFK is this birds "free?" What if it's here totally intentionally?  What if the bird is actually john f. Kennedy re-incarnated and he just thinks it's tight we named a really posh airport after him?  

Maybe the birds purpose is to bring people together in a common confusion or surprise.

Maybe the bird is a performance artist.  

If I told someone about the bird and it's adventures, that'd be like a fellow hobbit hearing about Frodo trying to throw the ring into the fire and going to tell a local Orc about Frodo's exact location thus not saving middle earth and letting darkness reign cus you were a stickler to people going rogue.  

 For those of you who that reference makes no sense: I only mean- let the bird fly.  Let it do it's thing.  It's on a journey either of exultation for finally making it to its home, JFK, or having an adventure of panic, trying to find the door it flew in through.  

Self help story time, 5¢ please!

What if everything you bought at the grocery store told a story about you.  

For example: 

I went to the store on may 31st and I bought pepto bismol, dove sensetive care soap, and tea.  

What if all those items, together, told the story of, stay with me, my constapation (even though I wasn't). Perhaps the clerk thought I bought the pepto to unclog me, the soap to clean me and the tea to clense me.  And maybe I wanted her to think that because of the facial expressions I gave her as I checked out.  My face all scrunched together, feigning discomfort.  

At this point, I hope you are catching my drift.  In short, what if every item you bought at a store tells a story about you to the clerk.  It's a very self conscious thought but it can also be very funny.  

On June 2nd, I bought floss, a paper weight and a bullseye target.  The lady at the register must have thought I was practicing my lasso skills, undoubtedly.  When, in reality, I never buy any of those things and I just fooled you because you believe everything you read on the internet...

Mary Kate and Ashley are aliens from the planet zoop.  

See what I mean?  You believed me for a second.  

So: try this theory out and buy a bunch of random cool stuff so that the dude at the costco is thinking "why is this person buying all this mayonnaise and all these batteries...he must have some diabolical plan to shatter the universe." and you can sit back and be hella mysterious like you are a secret agent and you can also just have more fun at the market as a result.  

Thanks for your time.

Neighborhood Watch

(Slight Minnesotan accent, a mother, GO) "Billy and the neighbors kept keeping me up with their band music at night.  First, I asked their mom to shut them up.

That didn't work.

I even had a neighborhood meeting with the band and offered them a rehearsal space in the mornings after father chuck's sermon every other week.  

That didn't work.  

So that's when I finally bought a tank for the neighborhood watch.  

...it seems to be working."

Trees and computers

Part of me wants to be a tree and part of me wants to be a computer...

To be totally immersed into the natural world or to fade my skin and bones into a series of zeros and ones.

I suppose we naturally dichotomize things because we have 2 spheres of the brain, two different feet, a stronger and a weaker side, dominant and recessive, etc.

The extreme duality come out of fear that I can't exist on my own as me.  

Why not just be a human with flaws, a love of trees and a healthy disdain yet comfort with computers?

What happened to being enough as you are in this moment with this form?

What is the totality of being yourself?  

What happened to being enough without trees and computers?  

A story from my mother (sorry, mom)

I was sitting on the couch when I felt it move and I thought it was the dog bumping into me but then I realized thedog was  dead already.  I went outside and yelled "did you hear that?!" And my neighbor said it was an earthquake.  ...nuts, huh?

Hey posh British person- tell me a philosophy joke.

I Kant.  

Breathing in a modern world

Smoking weed, smoking cigaretes, doing yoga, drinking very hot tea, meditating and even swimming perhaps have the same purpose:

To intentionally breath deeper and more.  

Shakespeare on education

I find it incredibly ironic that sir william archibald shakespeare probably barely even went to the equivalent of high school and yet we study and analyze him ad naseum in both high school, college, and beyond.

I'm sure most of the people in history who's names have turned into adjectives are most surprised.  Aristotelian, Machiavellian, Shakespearean- I'm sure if they came back from the dead and heard how we talked about them they'd be like "what the fuck are you guys doing?"  Except for Freud...he'd use that shit to get some, no doubt.  "Ya, I invented the Freudian dick- I mean slip--the the Freudian slip..."

Jokes aside, I'm interested in what shakespeare thought of education so I've cobbled together a few quotes from his plays...this will be an on-going document as I find more cool quotes from his plays...

1. From AS YOU LIKE IT: Jacques in the classic "all the worlds a stage" speech explains one of the stages as "...like the snail unwillingly to school..."  So even shakespeare hated school sometimes!

2. From ROMEO AND JULIET: a Romeo leaves Juliet's balcony he says "love goes towards love like schoolboys from their books.  But love from love, to school with heavy looks."  He's comparing school to the opposite of what love is for Romeo.  

Pirates

In Seattle, hipsters look more like pirates. 

Dorothy in Seattle-land (part one)

My name is Dorothy and I go to college I. Seattle, WA. 

I walked past this above-ground drain hole everyday on my way to school.  I never noticed it until one day it was open, which was very curious.  The next day there were these red shoes next to the opening.  

My imagination went wild.  I couldn't help myself- I was so curious.

So everyday I made sure to look over and see the status of these bright red shoes.  Perhaps someone had taken them or thrown them away.  But no- the shoes were still there.  Some days the shoes would be pointing different directions and I didn't know why--I had to investigate.  

So one day on my way to school I stopped and looked into the drain hole next to the shoes searching for answers.  Maybe an entire person had been lost but she left her shoes.

 I couldn't see the bottom of the sewer but I (perhaps foolishly) yelled "hello!  Is anyone down there?  Are these your red shoes?"  There was no response.  And of course there was no response, I was being crazy...I was going crazy with the thoughts of these shoes.  

So I continued on to school that same day and was a little late to class and didn't have an excuse besides the fact that I was trying to solve the mystery of this urban Alice in Seattle-land with her leather bound Dorothy shoes.

  ...I do go to arts college but even they would think that was an odd excuse for being late.  

The next day, the small red shoes with a black rim were gone.  I turned on my phone's flashlight I thrust the light down the drain to see if the shoes were down there.  I couldn't see the bottom of the pit and with a certain shift in my position, I accidentally dropped my phone into this urban well! 

I was lost without the phone--though I hate it- my life is on that thing!  I had to go in after it.  The ladder down ended with about 10 feet to the water so I hoped it was deep enough and I jumped in.

Mistake.  I had school in 30 minutes and there was no time for adventures.  

I was submerged in sewage water.  I have never smelled anything so vile ever. I almost don't even want to explain this part of the story.  My feet were cold so I looked down to see my shoes had run away from me- oh my god!  My shoes are probably up there on the top of the well.  My brown boots with red laces- people will wonder and say "Hm- that's peculiar- I wonder why there are a pair of boots on that well."  

It was awfully stinky down in the pit...

The well opened up into caverns underground like that scene from Indiana jones. Not gunna lie.  I felt like indi.  Besides the smell, I felt like a complete and utter badass.

But there was work yet to be done: where was my phone?  I looked and looked and looked but there was no sign.   I yelled for help but no one was responding.  

I was cold.

I was alone. 

I needed help.  

There was no light at the end of the tunnel.  I was lost.  So I did what anyone would do- I sat still and waited for help.  

I tried jumping for the ladder which was just out of reach.  

After the only light peeking in from the top of the well went out with the setting of the sun did I choose my path.  I chose  my tunnel and began to trudge through the fecal infested rat den with my shoes off, alone.  

I tried to walk but I couldn't see a damn thing.  I kept tripping.  

I tripped for a final time down a waterfall of brown water- I was delirious.  I woke up and wrote this blog post.  It's dark.  I need to get out somewhere.  Somehow.  

Great idea #1

They should turn lamp stores into night clubs after dark.  

Just change the bulbs to red strobe lights and throw some music on.  Boom.  

Marginal ADD poem:

School where there is

Drool made by

Tools from the 

Mule who is

Cool.  

Airbud is for real

So I played basketball with my dog today.

We just got a dog called "Draco" so, well, we have a lot of fun with that naturally.  Saying stuff like "give it here malfoy or I'll knock you off your broom" will just never get old. 

 He's obsessed with balls.  I think he is this way, in part, because he doesn't have his anymore but, in short, nothing else exists when there's any kind of spherical shapes around.  So after a long day of throwing the tennis ball at the local park we come home and I'm a little jealous of the workout I just watched my dog get so I decide to shoot me some hoops.  

Naturally, he starts attacking the basketball and, at first, I am very annoyed.  Later, I start to play with him and he becomes the best little defensive player I've ever played against and shit I played JV high school basketball with all white people so you know that comment is legit!

The game is on.  Here are the rules: I can only shoot from behind the three point line and that only counts as one point.  Every time my dog even touches the ball, he scores a point.  

He beat me 28-39...

He's just so quick.